Trump Orders Catapults Be Placed Along Border To Expedite Deportations

Image credit:’Trebuchet Castelnaud’ by Luc Viatour via Commons license CC BY-SA 3.0.

President Trump said today he is determined that deportations of those who enter the United States illegally proceed quickly, without waiting for court proceedings motorized transportation.

“We’re going to use catapults because that’s the fastest way. It’s going to be so fast. Very very fast.”

Trump insisted that he would not repeat the mistakes of the past that caused a huge backlash, even from the occasional Republican.

I have ordered that families be launched together, but if they separate while still on a parabolic trajectory through the air that’s not on me.”

Others, however, have cast suspicion on claims that Trump really said this.

Suggesting we load human beings in catapults sound plausible, but using words like parabolic and trajectory is not something this President would do.”

~ Comments ~
Ohh, think of the possibilities! You could paint bullseyes on the other side and create a whole new way to make some money and pay off the debt. Hold it on all major networks at prime time once a week on Monday’s. Make sure to get some type of royalty for commercial advertisement and of course an airing fee each week. Lottery bets could be as follows. If its a family of three or more, you could lob them all and combine the total score, kids will probably fly furthest and fat fucks the opposite so it makes for a good challenge. Use three categories for scoring each launch.” 1) closest to or on the bullseye, 2) greatest bounce (fat fucks have the advantage here) and 3) best hang time and any in flight acrobatics receive bonus points. Configure the results anyway you want and have a draw at the end of the night narrowing it down to one. Base your winner on that! The money we could make would be incredible! ~ T.K. Anderson

Definitely trebuchets. They have a sling on the throwing arm, using centrifugal force to hurl an object much further than a regular catapult. When my son was 16, he wanted to build a trebuchet for a school project. I didn’t know what one was. “A medieval siege engine” he said. I still didn’t know, so he showed me a picture of one. I figured we could build one from the picture. Our throwing arm was a 2×4 stud, the stand was bolted together, and a box of barbells, bricks and rocks were the counter-weights. Paracord was used on the sling, and the “pocket” was made of leather or canvas. The trick was to get one of the sling ropes to release at the right time so that the projectile would not go straight up or slam into the ground right in front. This took some trial and error. But once we got it adjusted, that thing would hurl a croquet ball about 75 yards. He could set the projectile on fire using diesel fuel and fling it at night for an impressive display… He got an A+ on his project… Since then, I studied trebuchets and found that very large ones are being built and they compete with each other. Also, they are used in a lot in movies like “Timeline” involving time travel back to medieval days… Trebuchets are very fascinating, and are a good project for father-son. ~ Melton Culpepper

This website is fucked up you fake news catapults my ass you freaks. ~ Jack Mehoff

A great observation from an apparent basement dwelling snowflake. Your name is what your daddy should have done instead of creating you. I see English grammar is not your thing either. Maybe your ass should be in the flying seat. ~ R. Iver

Those are not pictures of catapults. Those are trebuchets. A catapult uses elastic energy to propel the load, a trebuchet uses the energy of gravity. ~ Dennis R.

Not going to happen. Dumb idea from even dumber human, supported by, believe it or not, even dumber humans. Wow!! The dumb is so thick in this country right now you could cut it with a knife… ~ Lisa K. Hunt

Word is he watched the Olympics too; to see how high the Mexicans could pole vault, so he’d know how high to build the wall. ~ K.D. Roth

I haven’t laughed so hard in a really long time. Sent this off to some people who probably won’t realize at first that it’s satire. ~ Jill E.

Read the comments and you’ll really get a good laugh at how many readers think it’s real. It shows how far the ‘snowflakes’ are from reality…. as if their voting doesn’t already prove it. ~ James

Written by S.A. Tihre and published by Breaking Burgh ~ July 2018

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